Posts

Photons....

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  HERE'S A GOOD WAY TO MEDITATE: READY? WHEN IT'S WARM ENOUGH, FORCE YOURSELF TO GRAB A BOTTLE OF WINE AND GO OUTSIDE. IF YOU WANT TO GET FANCY, HANG A HAMMOCK. BUT LAYING A BLANKET ON THE GROUND WORKS JUST FINE. DRINK ENOUGH OF THE WINE TO LOOSEN THE MIND MUSCLES. LAY DOWN AND STARE AT THE STARS. THINK ABOUT THE COUNTLESS YEARS IT TOOK THOSE PHOTONS FROM EACH STAR TO REACH YOUR RETINA. THEN THINK ABOUT HOW FOR EACH PHOTON THOSE YEARS HAPPENED IN AN INSTANT. THEN FORCE YOURSELF TO THINK ABOUT ALL THE TERRIBLE SHIT THAT HUMAN BEINGS DO TO EACH OTHER. FORCE YOURSELF TO REALLY THINK ABOUT THE BAD STUFF. THINK ABOUT ALL THE TERRIBLE SHIT THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU. SIT WITH IT. CRY. FORCE YOURSELF. THEN THINK ABOUT THE STARS AGAIN AND THE PLANETS AND THE ANIMALS AND GRASS AND TREES AND FLOWERS. THINK ABOUT PEOPLE FALLING IN LOVE AND BABIES BEING BORN AND TODDLERS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AS THEY HYSTERICALLY RUN FROM FATHERS AND TICKLE MONSTERS. THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS YOU'RE THA...

Amoxicillin....

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LAURA, THE AGING TECH AT THE PHARMACY AT THE NEAREST KING SOOPERS, WHERE I NEEDED TO GO TO PICK UP SOME AMOXICILLIN, SPOKE TO ME LIKE I WAS A FUCKING MORON. IN HER DEFENSE, I AM A FUCKING MORON, BUT: ONE— SHE HADN'T HAD A CHANCE TO LEARN THAT BEFORE TALKING TO ME THAT WAY. AND: TWO— SHE GETS PAID, IN PART, NOT TO TALK TO FUCKING MORONS LIKE THEY'RE FUCKING MORONS. 

A little snack....

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  Manny Furious: “I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE 5 PISTACHIOS AS A LITTLE SNACK.” [*295 pistachios later….] Manny Furious: “FIVE MORE PISTACHIOS AND THEN I THINK I'LL BE SATISFIED....”

More salt.....

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  Manny Furious frying potatoes for a Sunday breakfast: *puts salt *cooks a few mins *tastes undercooked potato *puts more salt *cooks a few minutes *tastes undercooked potato *puts more salt *cooks a few mins *tastes undercooked potato ...

Papas Dulce, Mexico....

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 EL CROW WAS AN OLD SOCIAL COWBOY WHO HAD DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL OUR SENIOR YEAR, AND WHO SOMEHOW ENDED UP ENROLLED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO IN BOULDER A FEW MONTHS LATER, BUT WAS KICKED OUT A COUPLE OF MONTHS AFTER THAT FOR SELLING STEROIDS TO SOME MEMBERS OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM AND OTHER GULLIBLE JOCKS. THE THING ABOUT IT WAS--AND THE THING EL CROW NEVER TOLD ANYONE--WAS THAT WHAT HE WAS SELLING WASN’T ACTUALLY STEROIDS. IT WAS AN INJECTABLE FORM OF VITAMIN A. NOT THAT IT MATTERED. IN A PRIME EXAMPLE OF “MIND OVER MATTER” ALL THE FOOTBALLERS WERE SEEING INCREDIBLE GAINS IN THE WEIGHT ROOM. “This is some of the best shit I’ve ever had,” THE PLAYERS WOULD EACH TELL HIM. “My bench numbers have exploded, bro. Bro, I’m totally crushing the smith machine. It’s fucking incredible. And my balls haven’t shrunk at all. Where did you get it?” “Oh,” EL CROW WOULD REPLY SLYLY. “It’s just a little place called Papas Dulce down in Mexico.” OF COURSE, EL CROW COULD’VE FOUGHT THE ALLEGATIO...

Einstein said....

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EINSTEIN SAID THAT ONE DOES NOT TRULY UNDERSTAND SOMETHING IF ONE CANNOT EXPLAIN IT CLEARLY AND SIMPLY. BUT…. EINSTEIN NEVER HAD TO TRY TO DESCRIBE DRAGON BALL Z TO SOMEONE HE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE TO WATCH IT. SO WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW?

Yes....

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  YES." --Manny Furious, who did not receive any salsa for his Sonic’s superSONIC breakfast burrito, when asked by the cashier at the Sonic’s drive-thru if he wanted any salsa for his Sonic’s superSONIC breakfast burrito.